09/14/15 Dear Facebook Lolitas

I am not sure why, but lately a lot of scantily-clad tattooed young girls have asked me to friend them on Facebook.  This makes me scratch my head.  Unless they are just trying to increase their friend numbers, they have absolutely no idea what they are shooting at in the dark.  I am old enough to be their mother/grandmother, and I am probably actually friends with their mothers, but they tag me just the same.  So to all of the lost girls, I write this:

Young Ladies:  I appreciate your friend request but you and I are on different planets.  I am old enough to be your mother/grandmother and I have absolutely no tattoos or interest in your swimsuit collection.  I am neither a Madam nor a maker of porno films; I cannot help you achieve celebrity status by posting your flesh on my Facebook page.  Actually if you looked closely you would see that my friends on Facebook are actually sharing pictures of their grandchildren, pets, gardens, casseroles and would tell you to put some clothes on.  They would tell you to stay in school, don’t do drugs, and wear sunscreen.  (We all know this because we have reached midlife and learned from our mistakes.)  So, dear young things, if you put some clothes on (let’s keep it classy, girls) then we can talk about friendship.  I can offer a lot of older/wiser advice, but you’re going to have to cover your tushy and put down the cigarette.  Please.




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